Divorce and the Child Custody Evaluation

Getting prepared for the Child Custody Evaluation can be nerve racking, but if you take these things into consideration they can guide to you toward a successful Child Custody hearing.

You should be friendly, sincere and candid in your approach toward the opposing attorney. You should the look at the psychological evaluation as if it is a job interview. You should never confide with psychologist. If you do, it may be used against you later. Answer the questions in short, brief, direct sentences. Never give more information than you have to.

You should not say anything against the other parent and his or her family. Show that you know your children and you know about their interests, hobbies, teachers, friends, their educational aims, etc.  You should let the psychologist know about all the good qualities of your children. If the psychologist wants to know anything negative about the other parent, you should simply narrate an incident with the facts and stop at that, the psychologist needs to draw the conclusion.

You shouldn’t make any accusation regarding any type of abuse like physical, mental or sexual, until there is enough proof for the same. The psychologist can report to CYS for further investigation for child abuse, if you suspect child abuse, then you should report to CYS instead of making allegations, since false allegations can prove damaging to your reputation and this case as well.

You will require to prepare for the interactional sessions, for this you can bring games, food, homework, anything that might seem appropriate, you should not stray away from the target, you should also make a list of doctors, temples or churches, etc. schools, you should also be aware of any special need of your child and inform the doctor about how you are going to go about fulfilling this need.

So that you remain mentally strong, cool and collected you should get a good night’s sleep. You should pay the psychologist’s fees promptly and try to impress him since his report carries a lot of weight with the judge. In case the psychologist wanted additional information, you can send him information along with a short note about it. You should not call the psychologist unless he wishes so.

You should showcase the current needs of your children instead of focusing on the other parent’s failures. Since the contested Child Custody case is never a finality, you can modify the case and resulting Child Custody schedule at any time later.

Child Custody and Seeing Your Kids - Visitation

Child custody has several forms, sole custody and joint custody. Sole custody means one parent gets physical as well as legal custody. Joint custody is another type of child custody, where both parents get the right to have a share in making decisions for the child. There is also a type of joint custody where the child gets to stay for some period of time with each of the parent. However, it is said that this can be a bit difficult for the child.

It is necessary that joint custody that both parents are co-operating with each other regarding decision making about the child. It all depends on how the divorce proceedings have been, in case of a bitter divorce and conflict; it might be better that sole custody of child is awarded to a single parent.

It is required by the state laws that whichever type of custody is awarded, it is necessary that it should be in the best interests of the child. Unlike in earlier times, when mother was taken as the correct person to raise a child, today the court looks at the fact and selects the parent who has been playing an active role in raising the child.

The court allows periodical visitation rights to the parent who has not been awarded physical custody of the child; these visits take place in the home of the parent who has not been given the physical custody. However, the court might not give any rights for visitation if there is fear of any physical harm or abuse in the history of parents, the court instead of denying totally might give supervised visitation charges.

In cases where there are charges of abuse, especially sexual abuse hurled at one another by each parent, the court can give further instructions for investigation in case it is in doubt of these charges. Though there have been a number of cases where accusation of abuse has been used to get more money or to harm the spouse’s reputation.

However, if the accusation of child abuse does not hold true in someone’s case, he should not be silent over the issue and should try to gain help from several organizations which provide advice, support and sometimes legal advice. One such organization is VOCAL (Victims of Child Abuse Laws).

According to the law, visitation rights and child support payments are different issues, therefore though visitation has not been allowed one is required to pay. The court, while giving the custody of the child might take a view of ‘in best interests of the child’ where it considers several factors.

Most times both parents agree that the mother should get custody, but times are changing across the board and men are gaining more custody recently.

Helping Children Cope with their Parents' Divorce

Not everyone is blessed with a complete and happy family. It is quite acceptable to see broken families, children dealing with step mothers or step fathers, or children dealing with a single parent. Divorce is acquired by most couples who cannot deal with their relationship anymore, or simply cannot work things out between them any longer. When this happens, their children are the ones who suffer the most. They now encounter a state of depression, wherein they tend to think about what they had before as a family, their connection, their close relationship between each other. This often links to even more decrease in their happiness, causing further psychological problems if not dealt with as soon as possible.

When dealing with divorce, the couple themselves need to analyze and think of what is going to happen with regards to their shared finances, their house, and most especially the custody of their children. It is critical for each parent to know what the their children are feeling, since this is a state of anxiety not just for them, but also for their kids. Of course, feelings of depression cannot be avoided by everyone, since their lives are about to change, hopefully for the better. But divorce is a hard stage to manage because all family members involved have feelings of anxiety and sometimes depression, which could make things even worse to handle or accept.

Children with divorced parents can truly be unpredictable. Some may show optimism by showing that they are independent and mature with regards to their parent's condition. This can be seen when children are of proper age, and can understand this kind of predicament. Others may react differently, showing no emotions whatsoever. This situation must be guarded accordingly, since the child may suffer from anxiety or depression but is not capable of letting it all out yet. In this case, it is wise to let the child into family counseling, a good way to communicate and interact with their thoughts and emotions. In this way, they may be able to express what they are truly feeling about the situation, and the respective counselor can assess the child's behavior and can give an appropriate evaluation of the child. This can really help in finding peace within the child himself, and can also make him easier to accept the unfavorable situation. Younger children requires at least one from the couple to be with them during these kinds of situations  since they cannot take care of themselves without having at least a parent nearby. It would be recommended to try and talk to the child in a nice and loving manner, simplifying the events that are taking place. The child needs to know why his parents are not together anymore, so that he may not fall into a state of depression.  Giving extra time and effort to the children can be of great help to their emotional healing.  Children should be given the attention they need. Being able to communicate well with your children, asking them about their everyday lives, and just to be a part of their life can have a huge impact on their upbringing. Parents should continue to see, talk, and love their children even when the only option to take is divorce.

Divorce Is Not The Answer

Divorce Is Not the Answer: A Change of Heart Will Save Your Marriage

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And the statistics for 2nd and 3rd (and 4th, 5th, 6th, etc.) marriages are dismal. The chance of staying married in a following marriage is MUCH lower than 50%. So, divorce doesn’t solve anything. Besides, divorces: rarely end a relationship (children keep you attached, like it or not), destroy finances (both in direct divorce costs -- average cost is $20,000, plus emotional costs and financial losses), undermine happiness, and have a negative impact on children.

Here’s one interesting thing, we all know people who have divorced. They are not bad people (OK, some may be unpleasant!). So divorce is not an issue just for bad people, bad communicators, etc., etc., etc. Divorce happens to perfectly wonderful people. . . who just don’t know how to stay married!

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How To Save Your Marriage ... Divorce Is NOT The Answer