Child Behavior Problems
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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Child Custody and Seeing Your Kids - Visitation

Child custody has several forms, sole custody and joint custody. Sole custody means one parent gets physical as well as legal custody. Joint custody is another type of child custody, where both parents get the right to have a share in making decisions for the child. There is also a type of joint custody where the child gets to stay for some period of time with each of the parent. However, it is said that this can be a bit difficult for the child.

It is necessary that joint custody that both parents are co-operating with each other regarding decision making about the child. It all depends on how the divorce proceedings have been, in case of a bitter divorce and conflict; it might be better that sole custody of child is awarded to a single parent.

It is required by the state laws that whichever type of custody is awarded, it is necessary that it should be in the best interests of the child. Unlike in earlier times, when mother was taken as the correct person to raise a child, today the court looks at the fact and selects the parent who has been playing an active role in raising the child.

The court allows periodical visitation rights to the parent who has not been awarded physical custody of the child; these visits take place in the home of the parent who has not been given the physical custody. However, the court might not give any rights for visitation if there is fear of any physical harm or abuse in the history of parents, the court instead of denying totally might give supervised visitation charges.

In cases where there are charges of abuse, especially sexual abuse hurled at one another by each parent, the court can give further instructions for investigation in case it is in doubt of these charges. Though there have been a number of cases where accusation of abuse has been used to get more money or to harm the spouse’s reputation.

However, if the accusation of child abuse does not hold true in someone’s case, he should not be silent over the issue and should try to gain help from several organizations which provide advice, support and sometimes legal advice. One such organization is VOCAL (Victims of Child Abuse Laws).

According to the law, visitation rights and child support payments are different issues, therefore though visitation has not been allowed one is required to pay. The court, while giving the custody of the child might take a view of ‘in best interests of the child’ where it considers several factors.

Most times both parents agree that the mother should get custody, but times are changing across the board and men are gaining more custody recently.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

How To Care For Your Body During Pregnancy

Being pregnant means following a healthy lifestyle is more important than ever. It’s crucial to understand what steps you can take to keep you and your baby in good health.

Prenatal care is one of the vital factors that ensure a smooth pregnancy. The first checkup should occur during the first 6 to 8 weeks of your pregnancy, when your menstrual period is approximately 2 to 4 weeks late. For women who are relatively healthy and have no complicating risk factors, you will probably see your health care provider every 4 weeks until the 28th week of pregnancy, and then every 2 weeks until 36 weeks of pregnancy. After that you will have an appointment every week until you give birth through inducing labor or otherwise.

Nutrition

Proper nutrition is one of the best ways to enjoy a happy pregnancy. Because you’re eating for two, it’s doubly important to consume healthy foods and stay away from things that may harm your baby as it develops. When you’re pregnant, dieting and cutting calories is not a good thing - you will need to take in about 300 more calories a day to ensure you and your baby are properly nourished, especially as your pregnancy progresses. Caloric intake, however, can vary from woman to woman. For thin women, and women carrying twins, you may be required to consume more than 300 extra calories. Or, if you are currently verweight you might need less. No matter what, you’ll need to contact your healthcare provider to determine what’s best for you.

Of course, pure calorie consumption is not the only goal - you need to make sure that what you eat is nutritionally sound. Nutritious foods contain the essential vitamins and minerals that contribute to a baby’s growth and development.

Although a healthy diet is fundamental to caring for your body during pregnancy, it’s actually quite simple to integrate healthy living into your daily life. Maintain a well-balanced diet by following basic dietary guidelines. Lean meats, fruit, vegetables, whole grain breads and low-fat dairy products are all essential to maintaining good health.

Real, healthy food will provide your body with much-needed nutrients. At the same time, during pregnancy certain essential nutrients are required in higher-than-normal amounts. For example, calcium, iron, and folic acid are especially essential in the diet of a pregnant woman. Although your doctor may prescribe vitamin supplements, your diet still needs to contain nutritious food to provide your body with most of its nourishment.

On a normal basis, women need 1,000 mg of calcium per day, but during pregnancy, calcium consumption should rise in order to keep up with calcium loss in your bones. You can get calcium from a wide range of food products, including low-fat dairy products such as milk, cheese, and yogurt; orange juice, soy milk, and cereals that are fortified with calcium; dark green veggies such as spinach, kale, and broccoli; as well as tofu, dried beans, and almonds.

A pregnant woman requires 27 to 30 mg of iron per day because iron is used by the body to make hemoglobin, which is what helps red blood cells carry oxygen throughout the body. A lack of iron leads to a dearth of red blood cells, meaning the body’s tissues and organs don’t receive enough oxygen. With a baby on board, women need to pay extra attention to their iron intake.

Iron is found in both plant and animal matter, but the body absorbs it more easily from meat sources. The following are some foods that contain a good amount of iron: red meat, dark poultry, salmon, eggs, tofu, enriched grains, dried beans and peas, dried fruit, leafy green vegetables, blackstrap molasses, and iron-fortified breakfast cereals.

Many people have already heard about how important folate (folic acid) is for a pregnant woman. For pregnant woman, or those planning on becoming pregnant, it is recommended that you take 0.4 milligrams of folic acid every day. Many women choose to supplement their diet with vitamins in addition to any folic acid intake they receive from food.

It has been found that consuming folic acid 1 month before and during the first 3 months of pregnancy reduces the risk of neural tube defects by 70%, which is why it’s considered so critical. The neural tube is formed during the first 28 days of pregnancy, which is usually before a woman even realizes she’s pregnant, and it eventually develops into the baby’s brain and spinal cord. Lack of sufficient nutrition, particularly a lack of folic acid, may result in a neural tube defect such as spina bifida.

To remain healthy while pregnant, it’s also key to drink plenty of fluids. During pregnancy your blood volume increases, so drinking plenty of water is the best way to avoid dehydration and constipation.

Exercise is a great way to feel great throughout an entire pregnancy. There’s no reason to stop physical activity once you become pregnant; in fact, dietary guidelines suggest that you take 30 minutes or more each day to work out at a moderate pace.

During pregnancy, regular exercise prevents excessive weight gain, reduces problems such as back pain, swelling, and constipation, improves sleep, increases energy, promotes a positive attitude, prepares your body for labor and lessens recovery time after labor.

Proper sleep is another factor in maintaining health and comfort during pregnancy. Pregnancy can take its toll, and after a long day you will feel more tired than usual. As the baby grows bigger, it will be more difficult to sleep, but try to sleep as best you can - it will do wonders for how you feel!

Once you are ready to give birth and are considering inducing labor it is wise to consider all the advantages and disadvantages. Indeed, several authorities recommend you give informed consent before labor is induced. Of course, the baby is an important concern when considering induction of labor, especially the baby's ability to breathe once delivered.

Following a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, exercising, and drinking plenty of fluids are all important to your overall well-being during pregnancy. If you strive to eat nutritious food and maintain a positive attitude during the course of your pregnancy, the good moments will definitely outshine the difficult ones.


Monday, November 28, 2011

“They Should Have Beat Me More” - The Cycle Of Physical Abuse

In December, 2005, I conducted a two-day workshop with men who had recently been released from prison for domestic violence. With the men were their wives, as well as the father of a batterer who was still in prison.

The father, Douglas, sat in front of me, sharing his childhood experiences.

“My momma was a very loving woman – a big-hearted, hard working loving woman,” he told me. From my many years of counseling, I knew that my definition of love and his definition of love were likely very different.

“Did she ever beat you?” I asked.

“Oh yeah. She beat me all the time. My daddy beat my momma and my momma beat me. But she beat me because I was bad. I was really bad. Maybe if she had beat me more, I wouldn’t have been so bad.”

“What did she beat you with?”

“Anything she could get her hands on. Extension cords, wooden spoons. Often I had to go into the yard and pick out the switch.”

“How did you feel when you knew you were going to get a beating?”

“Oh, I was terrified. I’d beg and plead and promise not to do again whatever it was she was mad at. But that never worked. I always got the beating. Then after the beating she would tell me that she loved me, that it was for my own good, and that it hurt her more than it hurt me.”

“And how were you bad?”

“Well, sometimes I’d come in late, and sometimes I would talk back. Then I got into alcohol and drugs at a very early age. Maybe if she had beat me more, I wouldn’t have done the alcohol and drugs.”

“Why do you think you did the alcohol and drugs?”

“I was just hurtin’ too much. It took me outta all the pain for awhile.”

“What was the pain?”

“I don’t know. I was just hurtin’ a lot.”

“Do you think it is possible that you were hurting because the woman who was supposed to protect you was instead hurting you? That she was confusing you by telling you she loved you while she was beating and terrifying you? That there was no one to turn to for safety and nurturing? That you were scared much of the time for fear of the beatings? That you were terribly lonely and could not turn to your parents because they were the ones causing the pain?”

Silence………Then he looked at me in shock. As the light bulb when on in his mind, the tears started rolling down his weathered cheeks. Soon he was sobbing.

“That’s right…That’s right….The beatings were the problem. More beatings would not have helped. And I beat my children thinking it was the right thing to do, and now my son is in prison for beating his wife and protective services want to take away their daughter. And I almost hit her the other day when she didn’t mind me. I’m so glad I didn’t. This has to stop! This has to stop!”

I looked around the room. Everyone was in tears. Kathy, the wife of one of the batterers, spoke up, sobbing.

“I’ve always hit my kids, and no matter what anyone told me about it not being good, it never made sense to me. This is the first time I understand why it’s not a good or loving way to discipline my kids. And I can see why I’m having so many problems with my older son and why he is on drugs. He has always been furious with me and I had no idea why. Now I understand. I need to learn a new way to discipline. I’m going to take a parenting class and start reading parenting books.”

I hugged Douglas for the profound work he did, and for the effect his work was having on everyone in the room. I thanked God for giving me the privilege of working with these people. All of them, it turned out, had been severely beaten as children.

I am deeply grateful to James Beard who conducts workshops within the prison with batterers and to Lindsay Wagner, who also works with these men and their families. Both of them were assisting me at this workshop. We all smiled at each other in deep gratitude for the healing that was taking place.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Exercise During Pregnancy: Can You Continue With Your Normal Routine?

Can you continue with your normal exercise during pregnancy? Well, back in the old days, pregnant women were considered to be fragile beings that should be hidden away until delivery. Thank God we don’t live in those times now.

Just because you’re pregnant, it doesn’t mean that you can’t get out there and get some active exercise. After you get the “all clear” from your doctor, be sure to fit in daily exercises during your pregnancy. In order to clear you for exercise, your doctor may give you some guidelines to follow to ensure a healthy pregnancy, but to get you started, here are some exercise guidelines of our own.

Sports & Recreation activities and exercises to avoid include:

-Contact sports and most competitive sports

-Any activity that can result in falling, such as downhill skiing or mountain biking

-Lying on your back or stomach during exercise, after the beginning of the fourth month

-Lifting heavy objects or heavy weight lifting

-Intense cardiovascular exercise – your heartbeat should remain under 140 beats per minute during your workout.

-Scuba diving or any activity that involves pressurized air

The most appropriate exercise during pregnancy can include:

-Prenatal Yoga

-Walking

-Swimming

Exercise is important during pregnancy. It can alleviate aches and pains, depression, and fatigue. Exercise also gives you the endurance and flexibility to get through your pregnancy and through labor. So what are you waiting for? Get out there, get active, and stay healthy. Exercise during your pregnancy is a great thing to do for you AND your baby.