Single Parents and The Rise of Crime Rates Among Children

Single Parenting That Works: Six Keys to Raising Happy, Healthy Children in a Single-Parent Home

The hardest thing to face as a single parent are the intense emotions associated with being both a mother and a father to a child. This is further magnified when the other parent is absent or is deliberately not doing anything to fulfill his part in the caring for the children. More often than not, the single parent's psychological well being bogs down.

Single parents might try to cope with this strain by either trying to compensate by adopting both mom and dad roles, or by scouring the social scene for a partner to help him or her in the rearing of the child. The pressure is definitely high. Raising Great Kids on Your Own: A Guide and Companion for Every Single Parent

However, if truth be told, none of the above will help. If anything, they might even cause you to become more stressed. And when you end up being more stressed than ever, chances are this will reflect and magnify on your child.

If you are a single parent, ask yourself. How does your behavior and general outlook toward life affect your kid? Upon closer scrutiny, you might just find out that your child's constant tantrums and bouts of unexplained anger might just be the result of your continuing negativity. It is for these reasons that you should be careful.

Several studies show that children coming from single-parent households are more susceptible to destructive or rebellious behavior, not just because society imposes the need for a two-parent structure, but also, more often than not, the custodial parent is either too guilty that he or she smothers his child, or too busy to make ends meet to show how much he or she cares.

According to one study, about 90% of the change in crime rates between 1973 and 1995 had been accounted for by children born into single-family setups and those that had been born outside of marriage.

While this is not entirely true for all cases of that cover single parent households, we cannot discount the fact that majority of reports conducted in lieu of single parenthood and crime rates show that they are, indeed, linked. Single Parenting: Leader DVD, ProActive Parenting Series

Children born into two-parent, or 'intact' homes, are also susceptible to committing crime, so it would be impulsive to generalize that all kids under one-parent households are likely to become criminals.

Sure, two-parent settings place some sort of balance to a child's psychological well-being. However, it should also not be discounted that kids who grew up under an unhappy but intact home are also prone to some form of destructive behavior.

If you are a single parent, the best thing you can do to prevent this from happening is to be there for your child. You don't really need to be available 24-7 and spend so much just to show him or her that you care. The mere fact that you make it clear, in the occasions that you can, that your child's well-being is your utmost priority is enough.

Never forget to tell your child that you love him or her. Do away with discussing the negative, especially if it's against the other parent, no matter how distressed you are with him or her.

If you are having trouble reaching out to your kid, particularly if you're realizing this need just now and your child is already a teen, seek counselling. Or have a one on one talk with your child so that both of you will understand each others feelings openly. Honesty is key in a single parent setting. If both parent and child are honest about what they think and feel, the less likely a rebellion would occur.

While you do feel somehow guilty for being a single parent (you may sometimes even think it's your fault that your kid is exhibiting rebellious behavior), you should immediately try to take it out of your system. Guilt will only magnify the ill effects on your child and might even push him or her further into ill behavior.

Simply put, a positive attitude will do wonders. A happy household, whether in a two-parent or single parent setting, is still a happy household. And this is all that is going to matter.

 

Clear Expectations Make Discipline Easier

Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries 

Sometimes it can be very challenging to communicate anything with your child.  Setting clear expectations regarding what's acceptable behavior and what isn't imperative to successfully teaching your child right from wrong.  If the parameters are muddled or the child learns that in one situation the rules hold true yet in another situation the same rule does not, it makes for confusion and frustration on both sides. 

Sit down with your child well in advance and line out the expectations and consequences of misbehaving or a misdeed.  Make it clear that in no uncertain terms is there any room for negotiation at the time of the infraction, and that should such a behavior occur you intend to be firm in your discipline.  Rules regarding your child's safety, health or well-being should have no room for negotiation when being set or enforced. 

Other rules can be openly and honestly discussed with your child and an agreed upon action should be forged that both parents and child can agree upon.  If necessary, make a contract between parent and child.  Lay it all out in black and white, in language your child can clearly understand.  For younger children, you might want to develop a good behavior chart within the contract, and for each week that goes by without any infractions being noted, a favorite or special activity might be earned.  The connection between good deeds and special time with mom and/or dad might be just the currency they understand.

But all children need to understand that disciplining them is your way of teaching them what's acceptable behavior and what isn't.  It may seem as though children fight rules and regulations, but they truly know that such parameters are meant for their well-being, health, safety, and enable them to grow into a mature person capable of making wise decisions.  

1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days

Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery

Clear Expectations Make Discipline Easier

Sometimes it can be very challenging to communicate anything with your child.  Setting clear expectations regarding what's acceptable behavior and what isn't imperative to successfully teaching your child right from wrong.  If the parameters are muddled or the child learns that in one situation the rules hold true yet in another situation the same rule does not, it makes for confusion and frustration on both sides. 

Sit down with your child well in advance and line out the expectations and consequences of misbehaving or a misdeed.  Make it clear that in no uncertain terms is there any room for negotiation at the time of the infraction, and that should such a behavior occur you intend to be firm in your discipline.  Rules regarding your child's safety, health or well-being should have no room for negotiation when being set or enforced.  Other rules can be openly and honestly discussed with your child and an agreed upon action should be forged that both parents and child can agree upon.  If necessary, make a contract between parent and child.  Lay it all out in black and white, in language your child can clearly understand.  For younger children, you might want to develop a good behavior chart within the contract, and for each week that goes by without any infractions being noted, a favorite or special activity might be earned.  The connection between good deeds and special time with mom and/or dad might be just the currency they understand. Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery

But all children need to understand that disciplining them is your way of teaching them what's acceptable behavior and what isn't.  It may seem as though children fight rules and regulations, but they truly know that such parameters are meant for their well-being, health, safety, and enable them to grow into a mature person capable of making wise decisions.   Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days.

Interrupt Your Child's Interruption Habit

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Trying to teach your child not to interrupt can sometimes be an exercise in frustration. 
Telling them there's a time to interrupt (in case of a fire) and a time to not interrupt (boredom) isn't enough. But putting these principles into practice is easier said than done, especially for a very verbal or high-energy kid. That's why now is a good time to revisit some basic lessons about good manners and teaching your child to wait their turn to speak.

First of all, set a reasonable expectation. School-aged children have a difficult time holding their thoughts for more than a few minutes.  Indicate to her as best as you can that you'll be with them as soon as possible and then stay true to your word.  What to Do When Bad Habits Take Hold: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Nail Biting and More (What to Do Guides for Kids)

Develop some ideas for them to occupy themselves with while you're on the phone or otherwise unavailable. Keep a box full of puzzles, crayons, colorful markers or other quiet toys nearby that they can only use when you have to make a call. Set snacks and drinks on an accessible level so they don't have to interrupt you for help.

When you need to make a call or have an important conversation with a visitor, head off trouble by saying you're about to phone someone or have a conversation and estimate how long you expect to talk. Ask them if they need anything before you make your call or have your conversation with your company. Then do your best to adhere to that time schedule, and excuse yourself from the conversation long enough to check on them. Let them know you'll be a bit longer if that's the case and see if they need anything before returning to your conversation.

Reading is a great tool to teach manners.  Find several books on the subject then read them together. Discuss afterwards what your child learned from the story and how they'll handle a similar situation in their life the next time it occurs. 7 Habits of Happy Kids [With Earbuds] (Playaway Children)

And as always, children learn what they live.  Your child is very unlikely to learn not to interrupt if they hears you, your spouse, or their siblings constantly interrupting each other.  Your actions have a strong influence on your child, so be a good example and ask permission to speak before speaking, and apologize when you inadvertently interrupt.