Child Custody and Seeing Your Kids - Visitation

Child custody has several forms, sole custody and joint custody. Sole custody means one parent gets physical as well as legal custody. Joint custody is another type of child custody, where both parents get the right to have a share in making decisions for the child. There is also a type of joint custody where the child gets to stay for some period of time with each of the parent. However, it is said that this can be a bit difficult for the child.

It is necessary that joint custody that both parents are co-operating with each other regarding decision making about the child. It all depends on how the divorce proceedings have been, in case of a bitter divorce and conflict; it might be better that sole custody of child is awarded to a single parent.

It is required by the state laws that whichever type of custody is awarded, it is necessary that it should be in the best interests of the child. Unlike in earlier times, when mother was taken as the correct person to raise a child, today the court looks at the fact and selects the parent who has been playing an active role in raising the child.

The court allows periodical visitation rights to the parent who has not been awarded physical custody of the child; these visits take place in the home of the parent who has not been given the physical custody. However, the court might not give any rights for visitation if there is fear of any physical harm or abuse in the history of parents, the court instead of denying totally might give supervised visitation charges.

In cases where there are charges of abuse, especially sexual abuse hurled at one another by each parent, the court can give further instructions for investigation in case it is in doubt of these charges. Though there have been a number of cases where accusation of abuse has been used to get more money or to harm the spouse’s reputation.

However, if the accusation of child abuse does not hold true in someone’s case, he should not be silent over the issue and should try to gain help from several organizations which provide advice, support and sometimes legal advice. One such organization is VOCAL (Victims of Child Abuse Laws).

According to the law, visitation rights and child support payments are different issues, therefore though visitation has not been allowed one is required to pay. The court, while giving the custody of the child might take a view of ‘in best interests of the child’ where it considers several factors.

Most times both parents agree that the mother should get custody, but times are changing across the board and men are gaining more custody recently.

How To Care For Your Body During Pregnancy

Being pregnant means following a healthy lifestyle is more important than ever. It’s crucial to understand what steps you can take to keep you and your baby in good health.

Prenatal care is one of the vital factors that ensure a smooth pregnancy. The first checkup should occur during the first 6 to 8 weeks of your pregnancy, when your menstrual period is approximately 2 to 4 weeks late. For women who are relatively healthy and have no complicating risk factors, you will probably see your health care provider every 4 weeks until the 28th week of pregnancy, and then every 2 weeks until 36 weeks of pregnancy. After that you will have an appointment every week until you give birth through inducing labor or otherwise.

Nutrition

Proper nutrition is one of the best ways to enjoy a happy pregnancy. Because you’re eating for two, it’s doubly important to consume healthy foods and stay away from things that may harm your baby as it develops. When you’re pregnant, dieting and cutting calories is not a good thing - you will need to take in about 300 more calories a day to ensure you and your baby are properly nourished, especially as your pregnancy progresses. Caloric intake, however, can vary from woman to woman. For thin women, and women carrying twins, you may be required to consume more than 300 extra calories. Or, if you are currently verweight you might need less. No matter what, you’ll need to contact your healthcare provider to determine what’s best for you.

Of course, pure calorie consumption is not the only goal - you need to make sure that what you eat is nutritionally sound. Nutritious foods contain the essential vitamins and minerals that contribute to a baby’s growth and development.

Although a healthy diet is fundamental to caring for your body during pregnancy, it’s actually quite simple to integrate healthy living into your daily life. Maintain a well-balanced diet by following basic dietary guidelines. Lean meats, fruit, vegetables, whole grain breads and low-fat dairy products are all essential to maintaining good health.

Real, healthy food will provide your body with much-needed nutrients. At the same time, during pregnancy certain essential nutrients are required in higher-than-normal amounts. For example, calcium, iron, and folic acid are especially essential in the diet of a pregnant woman. Although your doctor may prescribe vitamin supplements, your diet still needs to contain nutritious food to provide your body with most of its nourishment.

On a normal basis, women need 1,000 mg of calcium per day, but during pregnancy, calcium consumption should rise in order to keep up with calcium loss in your bones. You can get calcium from a wide range of food products, including low-fat dairy products such as milk, cheese, and yogurt; orange juice, soy milk, and cereals that are fortified with calcium; dark green veggies such as spinach, kale, and broccoli; as well as tofu, dried beans, and almonds.

A pregnant woman requires 27 to 30 mg of iron per day because iron is used by the body to make hemoglobin, which is what helps red blood cells carry oxygen throughout the body. A lack of iron leads to a dearth of red blood cells, meaning the body’s tissues and organs don’t receive enough oxygen. With a baby on board, women need to pay extra attention to their iron intake.

Iron is found in both plant and animal matter, but the body absorbs it more easily from meat sources. The following are some foods that contain a good amount of iron: red meat, dark poultry, salmon, eggs, tofu, enriched grains, dried beans and peas, dried fruit, leafy green vegetables, blackstrap molasses, and iron-fortified breakfast cereals.

Many people have already heard about how important folate (folic acid) is for a pregnant woman. For pregnant woman, or those planning on becoming pregnant, it is recommended that you take 0.4 milligrams of folic acid every day. Many women choose to supplement their diet with vitamins in addition to any folic acid intake they receive from food.

It has been found that consuming folic acid 1 month before and during the first 3 months of pregnancy reduces the risk of neural tube defects by 70%, which is why it’s considered so critical. The neural tube is formed during the first 28 days of pregnancy, which is usually before a woman even realizes she’s pregnant, and it eventually develops into the baby’s brain and spinal cord. Lack of sufficient nutrition, particularly a lack of folic acid, may result in a neural tube defect such as spina bifida.

To remain healthy while pregnant, it’s also key to drink plenty of fluids. During pregnancy your blood volume increases, so drinking plenty of water is the best way to avoid dehydration and constipation.

Exercise is a great way to feel great throughout an entire pregnancy. There’s no reason to stop physical activity once you become pregnant; in fact, dietary guidelines suggest that you take 30 minutes or more each day to work out at a moderate pace.

During pregnancy, regular exercise prevents excessive weight gain, reduces problems such as back pain, swelling, and constipation, improves sleep, increases energy, promotes a positive attitude, prepares your body for labor and lessens recovery time after labor.

Proper sleep is another factor in maintaining health and comfort during pregnancy. Pregnancy can take its toll, and after a long day you will feel more tired than usual. As the baby grows bigger, it will be more difficult to sleep, but try to sleep as best you can - it will do wonders for how you feel!

Once you are ready to give birth and are considering inducing labor it is wise to consider all the advantages and disadvantages. Indeed, several authorities recommend you give informed consent before labor is induced. Of course, the baby is an important concern when considering induction of labor, especially the baby's ability to breathe once delivered.

Following a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, exercising, and drinking plenty of fluids are all important to your overall well-being during pregnancy. If you strive to eat nutritious food and maintain a positive attitude during the course of your pregnancy, the good moments will definitely outshine the difficult ones.

“They Should Have Beat Me More” - The Cycle Of Physical Abuse

In December, 2005, I conducted a two-day workshop with men who had recently been released from prison for domestic violence. With the men were their wives, as well as the father of a batterer who was still in prison.

The father, Douglas, sat in front of me, sharing his childhood experiences.

“My momma was a very loving woman – a big-hearted, hard working loving woman,” he told me. From my many years of counseling, I knew that my definition of love and his definition of love were likely very different.

“Did she ever beat you?” I asked.

“Oh yeah. She beat me all the time. My daddy beat my momma and my momma beat me. But she beat me because I was bad. I was really bad. Maybe if she had beat me more, I wouldn’t have been so bad.”

“What did she beat you with?”

“Anything she could get her hands on. Extension cords, wooden spoons. Often I had to go into the yard and pick out the switch.”

“How did you feel when you knew you were going to get a beating?”

“Oh, I was terrified. I’d beg and plead and promise not to do again whatever it was she was mad at. But that never worked. I always got the beating. Then after the beating she would tell me that she loved me, that it was for my own good, and that it hurt her more than it hurt me.”

“And how were you bad?”

“Well, sometimes I’d come in late, and sometimes I would talk back. Then I got into alcohol and drugs at a very early age. Maybe if she had beat me more, I wouldn’t have done the alcohol and drugs.”

“Why do you think you did the alcohol and drugs?”

“I was just hurtin’ too much. It took me outta all the pain for awhile.”

“What was the pain?”

“I don’t know. I was just hurtin’ a lot.”

“Do you think it is possible that you were hurting because the woman who was supposed to protect you was instead hurting you? That she was confusing you by telling you she loved you while she was beating and terrifying you? That there was no one to turn to for safety and nurturing? That you were scared much of the time for fear of the beatings? That you were terribly lonely and could not turn to your parents because they were the ones causing the pain?”

Silence………Then he looked at me in shock. As the light bulb when on in his mind, the tears started rolling down his weathered cheeks. Soon he was sobbing.

“That’s right…That’s right….The beatings were the problem. More beatings would not have helped. And I beat my children thinking it was the right thing to do, and now my son is in prison for beating his wife and protective services want to take away their daughter. And I almost hit her the other day when she didn’t mind me. I’m so glad I didn’t. This has to stop! This has to stop!”

I looked around the room. Everyone was in tears. Kathy, the wife of one of the batterers, spoke up, sobbing.

“I’ve always hit my kids, and no matter what anyone told me about it not being good, it never made sense to me. This is the first time I understand why it’s not a good or loving way to discipline my kids. And I can see why I’m having so many problems with my older son and why he is on drugs. He has always been furious with me and I had no idea why. Now I understand. I need to learn a new way to discipline. I’m going to take a parenting class and start reading parenting books.”

I hugged Douglas for the profound work he did, and for the effect his work was having on everyone in the room. I thanked God for giving me the privilege of working with these people. All of them, it turned out, had been severely beaten as children.

I am deeply grateful to James Beard who conducts workshops within the prison with batterers and to Lindsay Wagner, who also works with these men and their families. Both of them were assisting me at this workshop. We all smiled at each other in deep gratitude for the healing that was taking place.

Exercise During Pregnancy: Can You Continue With Your Normal Routine?

Can you continue with your normal exercise during pregnancy? Well, back in the old days, pregnant women were considered to be fragile beings that should be hidden away until delivery. Thank God we don’t live in those times now.

Just because you’re pregnant, it doesn’t mean that you can’t get out there and get some active exercise. After you get the “all clear” from your doctor, be sure to fit in daily exercises during your pregnancy. In order to clear you for exercise, your doctor may give you some guidelines to follow to ensure a healthy pregnancy, but to get you started, here are some exercise guidelines of our own.

Sports & Recreation activities and exercises to avoid include:

-Contact sports and most competitive sports

-Any activity that can result in falling, such as downhill skiing or mountain biking

-Lying on your back or stomach during exercise, after the beginning of the fourth month

-Lifting heavy objects or heavy weight lifting

-Intense cardiovascular exercise – your heartbeat should remain under 140 beats per minute during your workout.

-Scuba diving or any activity that involves pressurized air

The most appropriate exercise during pregnancy can include:

-Prenatal Yoga

-Walking

-Swimming

Exercise is important during pregnancy. It can alleviate aches and pains, depression, and fatigue. Exercise also gives you the endurance and flexibility to get through your pregnancy and through labor. So what are you waiting for? Get out there, get active, and stay healthy. Exercise during your pregnancy is a great thing to do for you AND your baby.

Birth Control needs, methods and information available for today’s women

Need for birth control in today’s world

With the rapid growth of the population in the world as well as the increased sense in general awareness for HIV/AIDS, has forced to think on birth control methods. The current world’s population is estimated to be around 6.4 billion with annual growth of 76 million and hence, it is estimated to reach 9 billion by year 2050. In next two decades, world’s two highly populous countries, China & India are expected to reach the population of 1.5 billion each i.e more than one third of the total world population of that time. It is alarming situation for the world to control this “population explosion”. Therefore, United Nations are urging countries specially highly populated countries to control their population.

 As per the survey report for birth control methods if applied in 169 countries, 137 million women willing to delay their contraceptives, 64 million women are using less effective birth control measures. If these women are helped with adequate birth control treatment (like pills, condoms), 23 million of unplanned births, 22 million induced abortions and 1.4 million infants could be avoided as estimated by United Nations Population Fund.

Besides population, HIV/AIDS is also very important factor forcing the need for birth control. An estimated, world has 38 million people have either AIDS  or infected with HIV (human immunodeficiency virus). In seven African countries, one out of 5 adults is infected with HIV. Birth control methods are, therefore, become imperative to control further spread of HIV/AIDS, particularly in these countries. The population in these countries is projected at 35% lower by 2025 free from HIV/AIDS. It will further reduce the total life expectancy by an average of 29 years in these countries.

History of Birth Control
200 AD, Greek gynecologist Soranus said that women become fertile during ovulation. He suggested some birth control tips for women to avoid unwanted pregnancy like smearing olive oil, pomegranate pulp, ginger, or tobacco juice around vagina to kill sperm, drinking water used by blacksmith to cool hot metals and jumping 7 times backward after the sexual intercourse. Many birth control methods like ayurvedic treatments used centuries ago (aside from sexual abstinence). However, there are some historical records of Egyptian women are found who were using some herbal or acid substances like crocodile dung or lubricants like honey or household olive oil as vaginal suppository, which they may have found effective at killing sperm.

However, commercial use of birth control method started in 1960 in the form of birth control pill. It was in 1950, when Planned Parenthood Federation of America invited biologist Dr. Gregory Pincus to develop oral contraceptive pill that would be harmless, universally acceptable and safe for husband and wife. After under going many tests with more than 6,000 women in Puerto Rico and Haiti , it was 1960 when the first commercially produced birth control pill called Enovid-10 was introduced to women in USA . This first oral contraceptive was made with two hormones Estrogen (100 to 175 microgram) and Progestin (10 mg). They were proved to be 99% effective if taken as directed. With estimation, more than 18 million women in US are relying on birth control pills

Types of birth control pills
Unlike the decades old oral contraceptive pills (which had higher number of hormones), today’s birth control pills are in low-dose forms with health benefits. So, women can take birth control pills with much fewer health risks.

Generally there are three types of birth control pills available
1. Progestin only pills (POP)
It is also known as “mini-pill” containing no estrogen. It is recommended for breastfeeding women because estrogen reduced milk production. This POP pill works by thickening the cervical mucus and thus preventing sperm to enter uterus

2. Combination birth control pills
The widely known birth control pills are having combination of two hormones progestin and estrogen. These types of oral contraceptive pills come with the pack of 21 “active pills” and 7 “placebos” , which do not contain any hormones. These are, in fact, known as “reminder pills”

These combination pills are further sub-divided into three types of pills due to the level of two hormones progestin and estrogen.

i) Monophasic birth control pills
Here, every active pill contains the equal number of progestin and estrogen. The other seven pills are placebo having no hormones. Menstruation starts when these placebo pills are taken

ii) Multiphasic birth control pills
They are also known as biphasic or trphasic oral contraceptive pills due to different levels of hormones in active pills. These pills are required to be taken at specific time in its entire pills schedule. Multiphasic birth control pills help offsetting the risks of oral contraceptives.

iii) Continuous birth control pills
it is also known as 365 days pills to be taken continuously throughout the year without the year. This is the new entry of oral contraceptive pills in the birth control market. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved Lybrel, which is the only continuous birth control pill approved so far and available for general women use. Women do not get menstrual period while they are under the treatment of Lybrel, however, they might find some breakthrough bleeding or spotting, particularly at the initial stage.

3) Emergency birth control pills
Also known as “morning after pills”, these are designed for immediate pregnancy protection after the unprotected sex. It is highly recommended to take emergency pills within 48 hours and maximum 72 hours to be effective in avoiding pregnancy. These are different than usual oral contraceptive pills where you plan your birth control much in advance. Emergency pills are also taken when the women are sexually assaulted. FDA has approved Plan B as the safest emergency pills. Due to OTC (over the counter) approval by FDA for women above 18 years, Plan B can now be ordered behind pharmacy counter.

5 Steps To Raising Optimistic Children

100+ Parenting Mistakes helps parents avoid and prevent a total of 129 mistakes that will ultimately affect everything our children will do for the rest of their lives!

I had just completed a session with 17-year old Julie who suffered from severe depression. Julie believed she was a total failure and would never be able to change anything in her life. Julie also felt all her shortcomings were her own fault.

Where, I ask myself, did such a young person acquire this negative and fatalistic thinking?

The answer soon became apparent when I invited her parents into the session. They began discussing numerous life events and explaining them in ways that their children were learning. The car, for example, got dented because you can’t trust anybody these days; Mom yelled at brother because she was in a bad mood; you can’t get ahead in this world unless you know somebody, etc.

As a parent, your own thinking style is always on display and your children are listening intently!

The Importance of Optimism

Why should you want your child to be an optimist? Because, as Dr. Martin Seligman explains: “Pessimism (the opposite of optimism) is an entrenched habit of mind that has sweeping and disastrous consequences: depressed mood, resignation, underachievement and even unexpectedly poor physical health.”

Children with optimistic thinking skills are better able to interpret failure, have a stronger sense of personal mastery and are better able to bounce back when things go wrong in their lives.

Because parents are a major contributor to the thinking styles of their children’s developing minds, it is important to adhere to the following five steps to ensure healthy mental habits in your children.

How Parents Can Help

Step 1: Learn to think optimistically yourself. What children see and hear indirectly from you as you lead your life and interact with others influences them much more than what you try to ‘teach’ them.

You can model optimism for your child by incorporating optimistic mental skills into your own way of thinking. This is not easy and does not occur over night. But with practice, almost everyone can learn to think differently about life’s events – even parents!

Step 2: Teach your child that there is a connection between how they think and how they feel. You can do this most easily by saying aloud how your own thoughts about adversity create negative feelings in you.

For example, if you are driving your child to school and a driver cuts you off, verbalize the link between your thoughts and feelings by saying something like “I wonder why I’m feeling so angry; I guess I was saying to myself: ‘Now I’m going to be late because the guy in front of me is going so darn slow. If he is going to drive like that he shouldn’t drive during rush hour. How rude.’”

Step 3: Create a game called ‘thought catching.’ This helps your child learn to identify the thoughts that flit across his or her mind at the times they feel worst. These thoughts, although barely noticeable, greatly affect mood and behavior.

For instance, if your child received a poor grade, ask: “When you got your grade, what did you say to yourself?”

Step 4: Teach your child how to evaluate automatic thoughts. This means acknowledging that they things you say to yourself are not necessarily accurate.

For instance, after receiving the poor grade your child may be telling himself he is a failure, he is not as smart as other kids; he will never be able to succeed in school, etc. Many of these self-statements may not be accurate, but they are ‘automatic’ in that situation.

Step 5: Instruct your child on how to generate more accurate explanations (to themselves) when bad things happen and use them to challenge your child’s automatic but inaccurate thoughts. Part of this process involves looking for evidence to the contrary (good grades in the past, success in other life areas, etc).

Another skill to teach your child to help him or her think optimistically is to ‘decatastrophize’ the situation – that is – help your child see that the bad event may not be as bad or will not have the adverse consequences imagined. Few things in life are as devastating as we fear, yet we blow them up in our minds.

Parents can influence the thinking styles of their children by modeling the principals of optimistic thinking 

Learn effective discipline techniques for positively dealing with misbehavior without yelling or hitting!

"Clean Your Plate" Is Not Always The Way To Go For Healthy Kids

 

100+ Parenting Mistakes helps parents avoid and prevent a total of 129 mistakes that will ultimately affect everything our children will do for the rest of their lives!

According to obesity researchers, the United States obesity rate has more than doubled for preschoolers and adolescents-and more than tripled for ages 6 to 11-over the past 30 years. Obese children are at greater risk for health problems such as diabetes and heart disease, and often carry these problems into adulthood.

So, how do parents help children, and the entire family, eat healthier, both at home and away-from-home?

"Talk to your pediatrician, family doctor or registered dietitian to determine the healthiest weight goals for the entire family," said nutrition expert Jenifer Bland-Campbell, "then make a plan to tackle the issue."

She offers these tips to help parents help their families eat more healthfully:

1. Eat at least one meal together daily, at regular intervals to discourage snacking.

2. Prepare healthy dishes for the whole family, not just special foods for an overweight child.

3.  Don't use food as a reward, comfort or punishment.

4. Watch portions. "Clean your plate" is not always the way to go.

5. Eat slowly. It takes almost 20 minutes for the brain to register that the body is full.

6. Encourage water or skim or 1% milk instead of high-calorie, sugary drinks.

7. Getting kids to eat at least five servings of vegetables and fruits each day will not be easy, but focus on the colors to make it more fun.

8. Use low-fat or fat-free dressings, mayonnaise and dairy items at home as if they are the full-fat versions. Kids will take your cues. Ask for the same items on the side when eating away-from-home.

9. Take the stairs. When you go shopping, park the car farther away from the store and walk.

10. Limit television, video games or computer time. Free Parenting Advice And Support On Children's    Behaviour.

11. Replace mayonnaise and cheese on burgers or sandwiches with catsup, mustard or barbecue sauce.

12. Stick with items that are baked, broiled, steamed or poached-not fried.

13. Ask for nutritional information when eating out.

14. Look beyond the children's menu, often limited to fried, high-calorie, high-fat foods. Split one healthier adult entrée between two children.

15. Ask for a takeout container and put some of the food in before you eat.

16. Ask that bread, beverages and tortilla chips be served with the meal, not beforehand.

"Parents can help children reach wellness goals by first making healthy changes at home, then teaching kids what to do away from home," said Bland-Campbell. "Healthy eating does not happen overnight, but children take cues from their parents and will learn behaviors over time."

Bland-Campbell is a registered dietitian with ARAMARK, a company that manages food service programs at businesses, colleges, hospitals, and approximately 4,000 schools across the country.

Learn effective discipline techniques for positively dealing with misbehavior without yelling or hitting!

5 Great Ways To Enrich Your Children’s Conscience

Children are living with curiosity. They learn lots of things in life, gifted naturally with intuition, and open toward everything they find.

Everything seems to be interesting to them. That’s why they want to know about many things. It’s indeed a sign of good development.

Parents need to help children develop their conscience, which will be a great means of getting spiritual experiences. Through these, they’ll learn about self-esteem and moral values.

Of course parents want children have and familiar with good values in life. As parents, what can you do then? Here are 5 ways you can do to enrich their conscience:

• Give good examples. What you say and do everyday reflect what you think about the world. If you say good stuff, your children will do the same. Children are great imitators. It’s important for you to say and do nice things anytime anywhere.

• Listen when they talk. Sometimes your children ask questions that sound silly to adults, like “Mom, where does the sun sleep when the night comes?” Listen to them and answer seriously, “The sun doesn’t sleep. It shines in other places in the world.” By listening, children will feel that they get respect from their parents.

• Show happiness. Show and share all the happiness and positive energy and thoughts with the children. If you’re happy, they’re happy too. By doing this, the children will learn that life is enjoyable.

• Introduce them to nature. Tell them that all things happen in the world are connected to each other and that there’s a reason for it. For example, water is needed to irrigate plants and plants are food source for other living creatures.

• Be flexible with your rules. Children should be informed about what they should do. However, always take notice on their development. There will be time when they can decide what they want to do. By being flexible with your rules, children will stay cheerful and expressive.

Those 5 tips are actually easy to carry out. Just place yourself as your children’s parents and friends as well.

Again, remember that children are good imitators. Once you do or say something bad, there’s a great chance that they will do or say the same.