Single Parents and The Rise of Crime Rates Among Children

Single Parenting That Works: Six Keys to Raising Happy, Healthy Children in a Single-Parent Home

The hardest thing to face as a single parent are the intense emotions associated with being both a mother and a father to a child. This is further magnified when the other parent is absent or is deliberately not doing anything to fulfill his part in the caring for the children. More often than not, the single parent's psychological well being bogs down.

Single parents might try to cope with this strain by either trying to compensate by adopting both mom and dad roles, or by scouring the social scene for a partner to help him or her in the rearing of the child. The pressure is definitely high. Raising Great Kids on Your Own: A Guide and Companion for Every Single Parent

However, if truth be told, none of the above will help. If anything, they might even cause you to become more stressed. And when you end up being more stressed than ever, chances are this will reflect and magnify on your child.

If you are a single parent, ask yourself. How does your behavior and general outlook toward life affect your kid? Upon closer scrutiny, you might just find out that your child's constant tantrums and bouts of unexplained anger might just be the result of your continuing negativity. It is for these reasons that you should be careful.

Several studies show that children coming from single-parent households are more susceptible to destructive or rebellious behavior, not just because society imposes the need for a two-parent structure, but also, more often than not, the custodial parent is either too guilty that he or she smothers his child, or too busy to make ends meet to show how much he or she cares.

According to one study, about 90% of the change in crime rates between 1973 and 1995 had been accounted for by children born into single-family setups and those that had been born outside of marriage.

While this is not entirely true for all cases of that cover single parent households, we cannot discount the fact that majority of reports conducted in lieu of single parenthood and crime rates show that they are, indeed, linked. Single Parenting: Leader DVD, ProActive Parenting Series

Children born into two-parent, or 'intact' homes, are also susceptible to committing crime, so it would be impulsive to generalize that all kids under one-parent households are likely to become criminals.

Sure, two-parent settings place some sort of balance to a child's psychological well-being. However, it should also not be discounted that kids who grew up under an unhappy but intact home are also prone to some form of destructive behavior.

If you are a single parent, the best thing you can do to prevent this from happening is to be there for your child. You don't really need to be available 24-7 and spend so much just to show him or her that you care. The mere fact that you make it clear, in the occasions that you can, that your child's well-being is your utmost priority is enough.

Never forget to tell your child that you love him or her. Do away with discussing the negative, especially if it's against the other parent, no matter how distressed you are with him or her.

If you are having trouble reaching out to your kid, particularly if you're realizing this need just now and your child is already a teen, seek counselling. Or have a one on one talk with your child so that both of you will understand each others feelings openly. Honesty is key in a single parent setting. If both parent and child are honest about what they think and feel, the less likely a rebellion would occur.

While you do feel somehow guilty for being a single parent (you may sometimes even think it's your fault that your kid is exhibiting rebellious behavior), you should immediately try to take it out of your system. Guilt will only magnify the ill effects on your child and might even push him or her further into ill behavior.

Simply put, a positive attitude will do wonders. A happy household, whether in a two-parent or single parent setting, is still a happy household. And this is all that is going to matter.

 

Clear Expectations Make Discipline Easier

Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries 

Sometimes it can be very challenging to communicate anything with your child.  Setting clear expectations regarding what's acceptable behavior and what isn't imperative to successfully teaching your child right from wrong.  If the parameters are muddled or the child learns that in one situation the rules hold true yet in another situation the same rule does not, it makes for confusion and frustration on both sides. 

Sit down with your child well in advance and line out the expectations and consequences of misbehaving or a misdeed.  Make it clear that in no uncertain terms is there any room for negotiation at the time of the infraction, and that should such a behavior occur you intend to be firm in your discipline.  Rules regarding your child's safety, health or well-being should have no room for negotiation when being set or enforced. 

Other rules can be openly and honestly discussed with your child and an agreed upon action should be forged that both parents and child can agree upon.  If necessary, make a contract between parent and child.  Lay it all out in black and white, in language your child can clearly understand.  For younger children, you might want to develop a good behavior chart within the contract, and for each week that goes by without any infractions being noted, a favorite or special activity might be earned.  The connection between good deeds and special time with mom and/or dad might be just the currency they understand.

But all children need to understand that disciplining them is your way of teaching them what's acceptable behavior and what isn't.  It may seem as though children fight rules and regulations, but they truly know that such parameters are meant for their well-being, health, safety, and enable them to grow into a mature person capable of making wise decisions.  

1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days

Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery

Clear Expectations Make Discipline Easier

Sometimes it can be very challenging to communicate anything with your child.  Setting clear expectations regarding what's acceptable behavior and what isn't imperative to successfully teaching your child right from wrong.  If the parameters are muddled or the child learns that in one situation the rules hold true yet in another situation the same rule does not, it makes for confusion and frustration on both sides. 

Sit down with your child well in advance and line out the expectations and consequences of misbehaving or a misdeed.  Make it clear that in no uncertain terms is there any room for negotiation at the time of the infraction, and that should such a behavior occur you intend to be firm in your discipline.  Rules regarding your child's safety, health or well-being should have no room for negotiation when being set or enforced.  Other rules can be openly and honestly discussed with your child and an agreed upon action should be forged that both parents and child can agree upon.  If necessary, make a contract between parent and child.  Lay it all out in black and white, in language your child can clearly understand.  For younger children, you might want to develop a good behavior chart within the contract, and for each week that goes by without any infractions being noted, a favorite or special activity might be earned.  The connection between good deeds and special time with mom and/or dad might be just the currency they understand. Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery

But all children need to understand that disciplining them is your way of teaching them what's acceptable behavior and what isn't.  It may seem as though children fight rules and regulations, but they truly know that such parameters are meant for their well-being, health, safety, and enable them to grow into a mature person capable of making wise decisions.   Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days.

Interrupt Your Child's Interruption Habit

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Trying to teach your child not to interrupt can sometimes be an exercise in frustration. 
Telling them there's a time to interrupt (in case of a fire) and a time to not interrupt (boredom) isn't enough. But putting these principles into practice is easier said than done, especially for a very verbal or high-energy kid. That's why now is a good time to revisit some basic lessons about good manners and teaching your child to wait their turn to speak.

First of all, set a reasonable expectation. School-aged children have a difficult time holding their thoughts for more than a few minutes.  Indicate to her as best as you can that you'll be with them as soon as possible and then stay true to your word.  What to Do When Bad Habits Take Hold: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Nail Biting and More (What to Do Guides for Kids)

Develop some ideas for them to occupy themselves with while you're on the phone or otherwise unavailable. Keep a box full of puzzles, crayons, colorful markers or other quiet toys nearby that they can only use when you have to make a call. Set snacks and drinks on an accessible level so they don't have to interrupt you for help.

When you need to make a call or have an important conversation with a visitor, head off trouble by saying you're about to phone someone or have a conversation and estimate how long you expect to talk. Ask them if they need anything before you make your call or have your conversation with your company. Then do your best to adhere to that time schedule, and excuse yourself from the conversation long enough to check on them. Let them know you'll be a bit longer if that's the case and see if they need anything before returning to your conversation.

Reading is a great tool to teach manners.  Find several books on the subject then read them together. Discuss afterwards what your child learned from the story and how they'll handle a similar situation in their life the next time it occurs. 7 Habits of Happy Kids [With Earbuds] (Playaway Children)

And as always, children learn what they live.  Your child is very unlikely to learn not to interrupt if they hears you, your spouse, or their siblings constantly interrupting each other.  Your actions have a strong influence on your child, so be a good example and ask permission to speak before speaking, and apologize when you inadvertently interrupt.
   

How To Deal With A Bully In The Workplace

Many people are unaware that adult bullying occurs, and chances are if you are being bullied at work you have no idea how to handle it. It can be hard to deal with an adult bully because workplace bullying is not widely known or understood. Often times the bully is a person of authority, making it even harder to deal with an adult bully. There are not set rules for dealing with an adult bullies there are harassment laws, so stopping an adult bully can be especially challenging. If you or someone you know needs help dealing with an adult bully, these tips can help.

The first thing you should do to deal with an adult bully is to keep a detailed written account of each instance of bullying. Being able to prove that you are constantly singled out for no reason and are the target of frequent attacks will go a long way to deal with an adult bully. Keep your records in a safe place, not at work where the bully can find them. You should also keep copies of all written interactions from the bully including memos, notes, and emails that prove you are being treated unfairly. Make a list of every instance of unfair treatment by the bully.

If you are criticized or accused of wrongdoing by a bully and the claims are not true, ask for substantiated evidence of these claims and record in writing what the bully says. Many times the bully will not have a response or have evidence that is untrue. Their lack of answer or untrue answer will further prove your case and help to deal with an adult bully. You can even point out to the bully that making false accusations is a form of harassment and that you will seek out the proper recourse.

If you are not the only one being bullied, find other employees that have the same experiences and see if they want to pursue the bully together. Sometimes other employees that are having similar problems will be unwilling to cooperate, but sometimes they will be grateful for the help. More than one employee who have the same experiences with a bully will have better chances of dealing with an adult bully together. It will help that you are not the only one experiencing the problem and give validation to your claims.

If your occupation has a union or other professional organization, contact them about your bullying problem. Not all unions or organizations will help employees deal with an adult bully but many will or will have information you can use. You can also take your bullying problems to your manager or supervisor, unless they are the one doing the bullying. It is not usually a good idea to skip the proper chain of command, but if a supervisor of manager is the one bullying you, it may be a good idea to speak with their higher-up. If you are the victim of workplace bullying your should get a copy of your company's harassment and bullying policies so you knew what your rights are within the company.

Taming The Abrasive Manager: How To End Unnecessary Roughness In The Workplace (The Jossey-Bass Management Series)

How To Stop Cyber Bullying

Cyber bullying is the new way that bullies target their victims. They use IM's, chat rooms, and websites to threaten, humiliate, and belittle their victims. If your child has experienced cyber bullying you should take it seriously. Discourage your child from responding to cyber bullying and make sure you save all the messages and pictures that were used to bully your child. You should also try to identify the person or people who are doing the bullying, and if the bullying breaks the law you can have authorities trace it for you.

Sometimes using inappropriate language violates the terms of chat room and IM service agreements and the bully may be banned from using these services if they are reported.

It is also possible to block most cyber bullying attacks on the phone and computer. Screen names and phone numbers can be blocked so that your child will not continue to receive inappropriate messages. Bullies can assume new names but chances are they will loose interest if they are continually blocked. If your child's cyber bullying occurs at school, you should contact the schools administrator so they can stop it. Sending messages that are considered bullying is against school rules and action will be taken if it occurs on school property. There is little schools can do if the cyber bullying occurs off school property, but depending on what is happening, you may be able to take legal action.

You may not know the identity of the cyber bully as the internet can be anonymous. If  you do know the identity of the cyber bully, contacting their parents is a good idea.. You should make your contact written and be sure to explain the situation in a non confrontational manner. The bullies parents may not be aware that their child is bullying others online and will probably be willing to help. If you have proof of the cyber bullying instances show them to the bullies parents so that they can see what is going on.

Children are often not aware of the damage and the ramifications that can occur as a result of cyber bullying, and will continue if adults do not step in to stop them. Even if children know the damage they can cause, chances are they will not stop until adults take action. How to Stop Bullying - How to Stop Bullying Once and For All

If cyber bullying is serious enough, it can actually be against the law. If cyber bullying is harassing, threatening, or pornographic in nature you should contact authorities because this type of bullying may be illegal and you may be able to take legal action. Sometimes cyber bullies will steal passwords and accounts, which is also illegal. Contact your local police department and tell them what has been going on. Make sure you take action as soon as you realize that your child is being bullied online. Sometimes cases of cyber bullying can get out of hand and have serious consequences. The huge audience that cyber bullying can attract make it much worse than traditional bullying and can permanently damage a child emotionally. Cyber Bullying Prevention: 50 ways to protect your child from online bullies with solutions to prevent or stop cyber bullying

How To Prevent Bullying

Racist Incidents and Bullying in Schools: How to Prevent Them and How to Respond When They Happen

Many children are victims of bullying. Most of these children don't know how to stop of prevent bullying which is why we as adults must step in to ensure that bullying does not occur. There are many different reasons why kids bully others, and bullying cases can very in severity. No matter how severe bullying is, it is never acceptable and should be handled quickly. If you think your child is at a risk for being bullied, there are things you can do to prevent bullying. It is easier to prevent bullying than to stop it once it has started so keep the following tips in mind for your child to prevent bullying before it starts.

Bullying often happens in unsupervised areas so to prevent bullying tell your kids to avoid being alone in hallways, at recess, and in other areas of the school. Encourage your child to meet and associate with quality friends as bullies are more likely to target children that are alone. Another way to prevent bullying is to advise your child to walk away from situation with bullies. Many times ignoring bullying attempts is the best way to prevent bullying as most bullies are trying to get a reaction out of the children they pick on.

Bullies like to pick on children who are not confident or assertive. Teaching kids to act confidently is a good way to prevent bullying. Children who appear confident and can assert themselves when confronted by a bully are less likely to be picked on. Even if a bully targets your child once, a calm and confident reaction will decrease the chances that your child will be targeted again. Children should not cry or get upset if they are bullied, instead the best way to prevent bullying is for them to use an assertive voice and tell the bully to stop. Bullies like to get a rise out of the kids they pick on so children that are clam and assertive will be less likely to be bullied again. About Bullying: Is Your Child A Victim, How To Prevent, The Important Facts And The Wrong Way To Handle Bullying

Because bullies like to pick on children who are not confident, a good way to prevent bullying is to get your child involved in activities that boost their confidence. Children who have other areas of their life to feel confident in will carry over that attitude into situations where they can be bullied. Any enjoyable activity that your child excels at will help to make them more confident and in turn that confidence will help prevent bullying. If your child has confidence and self esteem, it will be easier for them to ignore a bully and not let the bully's actions bother them. Bullying Elimination Handbook: The complete guide on how to eliminate and prevent all forms of bullying.

If your child learns how to respond to a bully and develops a good self image, it will be easy for them to prevent bullying. Make sure your child knows that the bullying is not their fault if they are targeted and that it is not acceptable. Many children are hesitant to turn to adults for help, but telling an adult right away is the best way to prevent bullying in the future.

How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression: Elementary Grade Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship, and Respect

How To Tell If Your Child Is A Victim Of Bullying

 Bullying Prevention for Schools: A Step-by-Step Guide to Implementing a Successful Anti-Bullying Program

There are many warning signs of bullying, and if you suspect that your child may be getting picked on at school, looking for these signs can help confirm that your suspicion is true. Some signs are more subtle than others, but they can all point to a case of bullying.

If you notice that your child frequently comes home with damaged belongings, torn clothes, or is missing property, this may indicate that they are the victim of bullying. Taking or damaging property is a way that children bully each other as well as physically harming their victim. Likewise, if your child frequently comes home with unexplained bruises, scrapes, and other injuries they may be a victim of bullying.

If your child has few friends or is withdrawing from friends they once associated with, they may be the victim of bullying. While friends do come and go throughout school, sudden decreases in friendships may indicate that your child is a victim of bullying. Children who are bullied often withdraw from things they once cared about because of the stress of their situation. Less popular children are also at an increased risk for bullying so if your child has problems making friends they may be a target for bullying.

A sudden an unexplained fear of going to school or a sudden loss of interest in school and activities may also indicate that your child is the victim of bullying. Children are often hesitant to talk about bullying experiences and instead become afraid or uninterested in things they once liked. If you find that your child refuses to talk about school or other activities where bullying could take place this is also a sign that your child could be the victim of bullying. If your child is reluctant to talk about their experiences, reassure them that no matter what is going on your are there to help and can only make the situation better.

Bullying; The Bullies, the Victims, the Bystanders

Another sign that your child may be the victim of bullying is mood swings, depression, or unexplained illnesses and complaints of aches and pains. Children who are the victims of bullying will often make up excuses why they do not want to go to school or come home in a bad mood. Children will typically try to avoid situations where they are being bullied using these excuses and it is a classic indicator of a bullying problem, especially if these problems happen unexpectedly.

If ignored, these symptoms can cause a child who is the victim of bullying to loose self esteem and do poorly in school. While these symptoms are not always caused by bullying, they are common signs that bullying has occurred. If your child exhibits any of these symptoms, you should further investigate to see what the cause of the problem is and to find ways to solve it. Children often do not want adult help because they fear that it will only make the situation worse. If they refuse to talk to you, consider consulting your child's teacher to get better insight into what is going on.
Adult Bullying: Perpetrators and Victims